5 Ways to Help Someone Who Hoards

Anne Ruozzi
Apr 15
3 min read

As a Feng Shui home therapist, I’ve been invited into the most private corners of people’s lives — beyond the Instagram-ready snapshots and Pinterest-perfect spaces. I’ve seen it all: ultra-curated homes designed by professionals, and equally remarkable souls overwhelmed by objects, unable to part with even a single paperclip.

That second scenario? It’s often called hoarding. And it deserves far more compassion — and understanding — than it usually gets.

Let’s talk about what hoarding really is, why it happens, and how we can support the ones we love through it.

What Is Hoarding, Really?

Contrary to popular belief, hoarding isn’t about laziness, disorganization, or messiness. It’s not a moral failing. It’s a real mental health condition, often rooted in early life experiences of trauma, loss, or neglect.

For some, objects become emotional anchors. A way to feel in control. A source of safety in a world that once felt unstable or unsafe. Letting go of things can feel like letting go of identity or security. It’s not that they don’t want to change — it’s that the fear of doing so is overwhelming.

I’ve had clients cry over the idea of throwing away an empty envelope or a broken lamp. Not because they “don’t get it,” but because somewhere deep inside, their nervous system learned to equate that item with protection.

Stacks of books piled high create a maze-like atmosphere, epitomizing hoarding at its most intense level.

The Emotional Landscape Beneath the Clutter

Hoarding is rarely about the stuff. It’s about:

A fear of being without
A need for control
A desire for continuity
A coping strategy for grief, trauma, or unpredictability

And often, there’s shame layered on top of it all. Many hoarders know something’s wrong — but feel so judged, they isolate even further.

From a Feng Shui perspective, the flow of energy (Chi) in these homes is blocked. But so is the flow of self-worth, clarity, and vitality. The home becomes a mirror for inner paralysis — and yet also a place to begin healing.

How You Can Help Someone Who Hoards

Supporting a loved one through hoarding is delicate work. It requires empathy, patience, and a shift in how we see the problem.

1. Lead with Compassion, Not Criticism

Judgment only deepens shame. Replace “Why do you keep all this junk?” with “Tell me about this object.” You might hear a story that explains everything.

2. Recognize That Healing Isn’t Linear

Progress may look like one drawer cleared… and then nothing for weeks. Honor even the smallest steps forward.

3. Avoid “All or Nothing” Thinking

Don’t pressure them to overhaul their entire home. Instead, start with a corner, a drawer, or even a single object.

4. Be Present Without Pushing

Sometimes your silent, loving presence is more powerful than advice. Just being there can shift the energy.

5. Encourage Professional Support

Therapists trained in hoarding behavior — especially those with trauma-informed approaches — can make a huge difference. So can organizers who understand the emotional side of clutter.

A Feng Shui Reframe: From Paralysis to Possibility

In Feng Shui, the home reflects the inner landscape. When hoarding is present, the energy stagnates — but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

The act of gently clearing space — with intention, with love — can open up new pathways for emotional healing. Even one small shift (a cleared corner, an open drawer, a single donation bag) sends a message to the psyche: I am safe to let go. I am safe to grow.